As our sailboat, Second Wind, enters the little bay, I go forward to the bow and prepare the anchor.
The skipper watches the depth-sounder intently. When she sees that the depth is right, she reverses the prop briefly to stop our forward motion.
I reel out the anchor chain and the skipper reverses again, pulling back on the anchor, setting it firmly in the soil.
For the next hour or so, we keep a close eye on the shoreline. As long as it remains unchanged, we can be confident that the anchor isn't dragging.
We would never sail without an anchor. A sailboat employs three major forces: the sails and motor to propel it, and the anchor to keep it stable. If the first two fail, the anchor is all that stands between us and the rocks. Lacking one, we could drift disastrously toward the shore and shipwreck.
And by contrast, when our anchor is well set, we're relatively certain of our place in the world. We eat, sleep, swim, work, and play without excess anxiety, knowing that we're reliably connected.
* * *
In childhood, the reactions of other people provide a reliable anchor to reality.
We don't know we're in danger until someone says, "Watch out for traffic." We don't know we are generous until someone says, "That was kind of you." We don't realize how powerful our words are until someone says, "That really hurt him." Feedback is an essential part of our growing lives.
A parent gives a subtle shake of the head, and the child knows not to continue asking a certain kind of question. A friend's eyes well up with tears, and the child recognizes that she's feeling pain.
Growing up, our naive desire to do exactly what we please begins to change, as we receive information about how our actions affect those around us.
We become increasingly grounded, kind, safe, mature.
And then, just when we think we have it all figured out, the wind blows harder, our inner anchor begins to drag, the horizon starts to move.
So again we attend to our anchor, feedback from those around us, to help us stabilize in this lifetime of growth.
For those who do not or cannot take in the reactions of others, life is more problematic. They tend to be dangers to themselves and others, blown by unproven instincts and self-focused perceptions, because they are drifting through life unanchored.
